Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
