I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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