I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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