is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
