then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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