I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
