Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
