She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
