the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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