I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
