dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
