last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
