it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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