Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
