my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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