Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Vodka?
Forever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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