i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
