no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
