i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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