I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
