I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Randomize
