Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
