youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
