What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
