he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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