Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
