Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if only i could text you this smell
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
