After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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