She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
