He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Green mimosas i think yes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Randomize
