you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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