I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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