who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i would punch a child for taco bell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
