I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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