summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
