I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
