those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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