i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
