i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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