Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You smell like stripper and shame
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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