i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
