just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
