So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
