Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just cropdusted the office
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
