Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
