Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
