Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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