Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
