She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I just shit out all my problems.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
