No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
