I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
