I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
