I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
