She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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