Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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